Gender Neutral Scouts……NO!

I know, I usually start these rants laced with profanity and insulting you all in some way shape or form, but this time I want to start with a simple question.

The Boy Scouts, who is this group for? 

Keep reading it, I’ll wait.

What did you come up with? If your answer is anything but BOYS then this article is for you!!
I really can not get a firm understanding on who exactly is to blame here. I have blamed everyone from you typical fem-nazis all the way down to the normal suburban housewife and I can find valid reasoning for all of you ding dong hating ding dongs……(see what I did there?)to want your little daughters in the boy scouts. Lets examine shall we?


This one is really simple, you idiots love starting a fight where there isn’t one. The wage gap, patriarchal society, not having equal rights, is just a small sample of your eternal list of bullshit.

The boy scouts seemed like a natural target, it is aimed specifically for boys, no women allowed, patriarchal and testosterone fueled through and through, I totally get it, hell I’m pissed off that an institution such as this exists, I mean damn!

Just one teeny, tiny, little problem though…….THE FUCKING GIRL SCOUTS!

I’m going to tackle the most obvious first, the girl scouts ladies and gentlemen.

The girl scouts is an organization that is for females only, boys are not allowed to attend, it is completely matriarchal  and it is estrogen fueled 100%. Is any of this sounding familiar?

Is it starting to sound like the exact same criteria for boy scouts but, you know, for fucking girls?!

I know, I know 

“T.T. what about what they teach boy scouts to do vs girl scouts? Doesn’t this just reinforce the gender stereotypes that society forces on young men and women?”

What a handsome question little dipshit, allow me to answer it with an equally handsome answer. YES! To all of it! Yes!

That’s the simple answer, let me dress it up for you.

Yes, girl scouts vs boy scouts badges patches and learning material are decidedly different, now while I personally do not agree with gender stereotypes being a bad thing, if you want sally sucks a lot to learn knot tying and fire starting, who am I to stop you?

My problem here is that you felt the need to take away one of the few things young men have to call their own, you could have just spoken to your local troupe leader or addressed what is taught to girl scouts and moved that the learning material be the same across the board, but no, you jack asses went ahead and invaded boy scouts in its entirety , you forced your way into it by pissing and moaning until people got sick of hearing you bitch about.

Suburban housewives

Ladies I don’t think your reasoning here is as nefarious as those dreaded dick haters, truly I don’t. This doesn’t get you off the hook though.

I think your reason for pushing your girls into the boy scouts is very simple, YOU ARE FUCKING LAZY.

The turtle has got kids, he gets it, it can be tough! The play dates, the school functions, the clubs, the practices, not to mention your work schedule and day to day house work. I get it, you pushed for boys and girls to be in one group so you wouldn’t  have to drive sally and Johnny on separate days to separate places, makes sense.

Just one little problem though mothers.


Nothing. Nothing makes you special, you are just more lazy than every other parent in America.

Instead of dealing with your scheduling issues like a god damn adult and finding a way to make everyone happy and where they need to be, you stomped your feet and cried until someone else solved the problem for you, regardless of who got hurt in the process.
Now, I’m going to break a rule here and do something I don’t normally do, I’m going to give you a glimpse behind the curtain into the turtle shell.

Hold your gasps it wont be that exciting.

I have a son in the boy scouts, and I have family and friends whose daughters are in the girl scouts, I have seen both sides of the scouting world.

Here are just some fun facts for everyone,

First, my sons troupe leader, is a woman. GASP!

Yes, it is a woman who teaches my son everything a budding young scout should know, and she does a damned fine job of it too I might add.

Second, girl scouts, do almost the exact same thing as boy scouts. DOUBLE GASP!

Holy frog fucking shit people, what the scouts learn, is based solely on the kids themselves!! There is no pre-determined activity or schedule, the scout leader talks to the kids and they tell him or her what they want to do. So, if sally is learning how to knit, it’s because she fucking wants to learn how to knit you fucking nit wit! (I did it again!)

Let me wrap this up kids,

Stop starting fights where there isn’t a fight to be had. Boys and Girls scouts are literally and completely equal in every sense of the word. 

Mom and dad, work your shit out so everyone can get what they want, don’t stomp and cry like a couple of fuck faced babies because you have to leave the house an extra day a week. Fem Nazis, you just stop. Everything. Just stop it.

Got a problem with the scouts? Problem with the turtle telling you how to live?

Fucking cry in the comments below, The Turtle will bring you a tissue.


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