I know these usually start with some quippy little insult to all you knuckle draggers and give you an idea as to what journey your about to embark on, but this time I had to start a little bit differently. I honest to god want to know, is there any half-baked idea you bumbling idiots won’t latch on to? Today kids, The Turtle is getting all types of scientific up in here to prove one thing and one thing only, the earth is round!
The theory that the earth is flat was brought up to me a few weeks ago at dinner. It was a funny conversation between myself and a family member and one that I didn’t put much stock into. Until a few days later, this same theory came up again, in the form of a man named “Mad” Mike Hughes. This “scientist” had the bright idea to build a homemade rocket so that he could launch himself a mile into the air and try to get photographic evidence that the earth is indeed flat. This article was ridiculous, but The Turtle wasn’t annoyed enough to write about it, yet. Fast forward two days, to Thanksgiving dinner, a different family member presents this same flat earth nonsense to me, and how co-workers of his actually believe in it. This plague of stupidity was spreading, I couldn’t believe it. Then today, I came across yet another article about a well known rapper, B.O.B., who is also behind this whack job theory, more than that he is attempting to fund research to obtain proof! This was incredible, that something so insane could gain such traction so quickly was astonishing.
“T.T. what is the flat earth theory?”
Handsome question reader, let The Turtle explain.
There is a bit of a debate among “flat earthers”, as they want to call themselves, as to what the specifics of flat earth is. The basics however, are that the earth is a disc, and the ice caps are a wall that keeps the water in and us from walking off the edge. To expand on this, flat earthers explain that gravity is also a lie, the disc is merely moving in an upward direction and the force is what keeps us down. The base here, is that the government has lied to us for generations about the earth being round, for some financial reason, honestly it’s a little murky as to why the government has lied. The basic belief is that the moon landing was completely fake and all photographic evidence since then has been faked as well, NASA is merely a cover up.
Just to clear some things up here, every last belief stated about flat earthers is absurd, for a multitude of reasons. First off, lets take a trip back in time, all the way back to 1969. This was not the age of technology, this was when color T.V. was the hot new thing and thought of owning a computer, let alone one that fit in your pocket, was mere science fiction. Now it was possible back then for the government to fake a news casted moon landing, however the amount of money it would have to cost to do it, would have cost more than actually attempting to go to the moon in the first place. Now we have poked the first hole in this nonsensical theory, if the government was trying to lie for financial gain, it would have gained them more money to just launch a rocket than to fake the moon landing at all. Second hole, Russia. Our enemy at the time and our opponent in the great space race, good old Russia, they confirmed to the world that America had indeed landed on the moon. Think for a minute, America beating Russia into space was a huge blow to them as a nation, if we had staged the entire thing and lied to the world, why in the hell would our enemies back up our lie? Lastly, NASA is a cover up. Honestly I shouldn’t even have to explain why this is so ridiculous but apparently I have to so here we go.
NASA is given billions of dollars every year, it is responsible for most of the technology you currently love so much. Again I invite you to really think about this, if NASA was nothing more than a governmental cover up to convince people that the earth is round in order to have some form of financial gain, why on gods green earth would they funnel so much money into a fake institute? I mean this honestly, pull your head out of your ass for just one second and pay attention. A lie, that is made for financial gain, does not cost more money than you stand to make in the first place.
This type of aggravation has gone on for far too long. Celebrities and the every man alike, latch on to these insane theories with the strict intent to prove the government wrong. Big foot is real, Area 51 houses aliens, the earth is actually flat. People spend their entire lives and almost all of their money in order to prove these half baked and absurd theories and never find any type of validation, they die under the title of “Nut Job” and for what purpose? For pride, intellectual gain, just to be a jerk?
Lets wrap this up, the earth is round kids. It’s just that simple, it isn’t flat and it isn’t a governmental cover up. You can launch yourself all the way to the moon and back again and it won’t change the facts. The people who support this insanity are the only individuals that stand to gain any money from support of this theory. The Gofundme’s and the donations that people send out are strictly to get people like “Mad” Mike Hughes notoriety and make them money. Stop buying into the nonsense and use your donations for something useful like, I don’t know, cancer research or a way to stop men from running out of boners.
Think the earth is flat? Want to prove the government is a bunch of lying jerks? Blast off to the comments below and tell it to the fucking turtle.