Well kids, today we must drop the nonsense and get down to a real conversation. There is something happening in America, something more frightening than war, more terrible than famine, and more destructive than anything mother nature could cook up. You guessed it kids, today we need to talk about the incredible rate at which men have stopped going down on their ladies. All is not lost though, oh no, The Turtle is here to heal the gaping gash of America and get you ladies the tongue lashings you deserve!
Before we can find a cure to this ailment we must first find its origin, we need to figure out the how and the why of it all. Lucky for all of you the turtle has done the leg work for you and is here to give you the facts. The time in which men started to eat fuzz box is heavily debated, some say that it is a modern era act, others think it generated in the debauchery of the 1970’s, while some believe that it dates all the way back to the dawn of time. We now know, that the art of eating box came from a treaty between the coven and the high council after the great “Anall Invasion.” The science remains the same though, men are drawn to a women’s cock crevice because of a scent that a healthy vagina gives off, it naturally attracts men and makes them hungry, insatiable, and deadly with a tongue missile.
Now that we have an idea of where this completely awesome act came from, we can start to follow its journey through history and figure out what went wrong and why The High Council Of Man have defied the ancient treaty with the Coven Of Women. Like all new things, when men learned that munching the monster was no longer considered taboo, they went to town. Much like a fat kid locked in Willy Wonka’s factory we ate until our tongues swelled. Naturally, this excitement would only last so long, soon men considered the act of tongue taming the demon to be obligatory, this is where the downfall began. Women, upset by this sudden change in attitude began to scramble to find a way to reignite the flames of fellatio. Men, I think we can all agree that the solution was a stroke of brilliance, a simple trade off, you go down on me and I go down on you. This simple give and take led to acts like the classic “69” and other great sexual revolutions. The two sexes entered a time of peace and civility. Trouble was not far around the bend though, as the 60’s and 70’s came around so too did a time of great divide. The Coven had grown tired of staying at home, bored with cooking dinners, and outraged at all shackles they wore. The coven began to burn their bras and the High Council allowed it, lets face it, we hate covered tits too. The Coven was outraged at the lack of a reaction they received, so they took it a step further, they began to cease shaving and showering, The High Council could not sit idly by while innocent men were being forced to endure this heinous act. Thus, the two sexes were once again thrust into war.
Women began to demand that men unsheathe their tongues and tangle with the stank box they refused to wash. Men were naturally disgusted by the smell and sight of the gash before them. Gone was the clean shaven, freshly washed, wonderful tongue tavern they had known, in its place was a foul, hairy, demon that no man, no matter the fortitude could ever hope to tame. The war raged on for generations. Men refusing to tongue punch the clown box and women refusing to shave or wash. Finally, around the mid 1980’s some rebellious women began to separate from the Coven Of Women, tired of having to pay the price for the covens transgression and missing the feeling of a warm slippery on in their cooch, they once more started to wash and shave. The damage however, was far too great for The High Council to simply forgive and lick the wounds that the war had brought.
This brings us to today, an uneasy truce exists between men and the rebel group of women, now known by the Coven Of Women as the turn-cunts.
This truce mandates that all women must keep a clean cock cave and that all bush will be kept several inches below the pantie line. In return, The High Council agreed that they would no longer hand sweat sack over to the faces of women and make them eat the coin purse.
Knowing all that you now know, we can begin to heal, rebuild, and start over. Men and women can walk tongue in cunt together towards a new beginning, a utopia of hygiene and sexual freedom.
It’s short and simple today kids, if you want your man to go to town on your clit cart, then you must make it more appealing than a dumpster fire. Shave the hair, get in there and wash it good, and be grateful when we do, do not make us feel obligated in the act and we will in turn be more willing to go down.
Thus ends another tale from the “Secret Wars.”
The High Council and The Coven may have found civility in the land of oral sex, but there is far worse battles being fought out there. Stay tuned for the next edition of the “Secret Wars,” as we uncover some of the darkest secrets you can imagine.
Got a stank box? Can’t get your man to eat out? Then go down on my comment box and complain about it.